Happy Halloween!
thanks to Kari Dell,
the source of many things that make me laugh.
Read her blog here.
Minggu, 30 Oktober 2011
Rabu, 26 Oktober 2011
Well, no, I'm not paying $9.99
I'm a devoted fan of Mysterious Press and have been for years. When the news came today that their website was up and running and books were available for download, I scurried over post haste.
It's a lovely site. Easy to navigate, lots of ways to buy an ebook.
And right there at the top were books by Ross Thomas. I adore Ross Thomas. I've read them all. I was ready to buy. Because I have a Kindle, I clicked the link to Amazon.
And I didn't buy.
Why?
Because the price is $9.99
And frankly, I'm not willing to pay $9.99 for an electronic edition of a book I've already read. Even if I love it (and I do.)
Otto Penzler is a SMART retailer. I've got the sales receipts to prove it. I've spent hundreds if not thousands at his store over the years, and always been pretty glad to do it. His staff is knowledgeable and friendly.
But, they've missed the key consumer mindset that I think a lot of publishers have too. Ebooks are replacing mass market editions. And mass market editions are $5.99 or $6.99. Or at least they were when I bought ALL of the Ross Thomas books in mass market.
The problem is of course now people expect that the electronic edition is going to come out at the same time as the hardcover. It used to be that hardcover came first, then a year later the mass market at the lower price. If you were willing to wait, you paid less. If you were willing to read fast and give it back when you were done, you paid even less and got it at the library.
I don't know how to solve that problem. All I know is I don't want to pay this much for this book.
I guess I'll just have to go back to reading the $25 hardcovers I bought at The Mysterious Bookshop on my last visit instead of re-reading Ross Thomas.
And if you've got any thoughts on ebook pricing, please leave a comment.**
It's a lovely site. Easy to navigate, lots of ways to buy an ebook.
And right there at the top were books by Ross Thomas. I adore Ross Thomas. I've read them all. I was ready to buy. Because I have a Kindle, I clicked the link to Amazon.
And I didn't buy.
Why?
Because the price is $9.99
And frankly, I'm not willing to pay $9.99 for an electronic edition of a book I've already read. Even if I love it (and I do.)
Otto Penzler is a SMART retailer. I've got the sales receipts to prove it. I've spent hundreds if not thousands at his store over the years, and always been pretty glad to do it. His staff is knowledgeable and friendly.
But, they've missed the key consumer mindset that I think a lot of publishers have too. Ebooks are replacing mass market editions. And mass market editions are $5.99 or $6.99. Or at least they were when I bought ALL of the Ross Thomas books in mass market.
The problem is of course now people expect that the electronic edition is going to come out at the same time as the hardcover. It used to be that hardcover came first, then a year later the mass market at the lower price. If you were willing to wait, you paid less. If you were willing to read fast and give it back when you were done, you paid even less and got it at the library.
I don't know how to solve that problem. All I know is I don't want to pay this much for this book.
I guess I'll just have to go back to reading the $25 hardcovers I bought at The Mysterious Bookshop on my last visit instead of re-reading Ross Thomas.
And if you've got any thoughts on ebook pricing, please leave a comment.**
**I should warn you I'm extremely intolerant of " print publishing is dead" tirades
and anyone who uses the phrase "legacy publishing" doesn't get posted.
If you don't like that, no problem, write your own blog.
Contest results!
Your entries were terrifyingly good. I knew it was going to be tough when I saw the number of entries, and that was confirmed by the shrieks of dismay heard from Barbara Poelle when she realized she couldn't choose them all!
Fortunately DeathKitten, her companion in crime, was able to swoop in, electronically speaking, to offer aid and comfort.
Without further ado, here are the entries selected from the contest:
Points for Humor:
Anita
Lightning flashes. Lights go off. Bottle knocks glass and there’s an evil laugh…from a witch, ghost or deadly bartender.
Lights come on. And the table’s different…a body’s on it (with no decay), surrounded by bottles, glasses, candy wrappers.
H.R. points at B.P.
B.P. points at H.R.
Both point at J.R. on the unforsaken tablecloth (“unforsaken,” because B.P. retrieved the liquor-stained cloth from H.R.’s Goodwill donations bag).
H.R.: “But we cut her off.”
B.P., glassy-eyed: “We knew another shot would slay her.”
Terror transforms their (otherwise beautiful) faces. They scream, “Who (vodka) shot J.R.?!”
Lightning flashes. Lights flicker. An insalubrious shark laughs.
Honorable Mention for Humor:
John
The tall ghost ripped off his sheets. Whipped out a deadly knife. The insalubrious witch to his right shrieked. A zombie in full decay dropped his beer and ran for the door.
"Janet and Barbara are my babes, Clooney," the huge man said in a low voice.
George looked up from his copy of UNFORSAKEN and patted the knees of the hot literary agents on either side of him: Janet dressed as a slutty angel and Barbara as a succubus.
He smiled. "Reacher, let's make a deal. We don't slay each other and maybe we can do a double date."
Recognition for being unique:
Feaky Snucker
Ghost seeks love to slay his loneliness. You want to feel unforsaken, and are open to being watched while you sleep. He enjoys the scent of flowers in decay, and walks on insalubrious beaches. Deadly witch need not apply.
BIG PROPS for insinuating that Root and I are drunk and pantsless in a HoJo somewhere at any given moment, not to mention an amazing play on words with wan hoarse open slay:
dylan**
(** one of the four lucky random winners of the book prizes!)
BLACKMAIL
Three witches drank a loathsome brew-
One muttered ultimatums, too:
“Tis nearly now All Hallow’s Eve
and Reid’s got something up her sleeve-
Photos from a dank hotel
of Holly Root and Babs Poelle,
casting spells and drinking shots,
while dishabille, and sans culottes.”
“A contest’s what I’d fancy most
to honor Late October’s ghost,
A deadly process, undertaken,
that my blog be unforsaken.
And YOU, my entrapped sentries
will be challenging all entries...”
“Eye of newt and murray decay
in a wan, hoarse, open slay...”
CODA:
“Oh don’t look so lugubrious, gals-
It’s really insalubrious, pals!”
Recognition for being politically topical
Cynicman
“Come on, sound it out. You can do it,” the young teacher said.
“In-sa-lube-re-us,” the nervous student said.
“Very, very good, Quenita” the teacher said.
And so it went each school day. The teacher attempted to slay deadly ignorance one child at a time.
A ghost of a smile appeared on her lips as she wished once again she could be a powerful witch that could end societal decay with a simple spell. The smile faded. There was no magic to be found. The truth was that she felt unforsaken. Her Governor, Chris Christie, thought she was a union thug.
Points for using another client title in the story (Murder Most Persuasive):
The Precinct House Squad
"Which babe?"
"The near witch."
"No witches here, idiot. This is ghost country. They'd slay a witch who showed her insalubrious mug here."
"Insalubrious? You're never going to get laid if you use those godforsaken words."
"Proper English must remain unforsaken. Chicks find erudite fellows deadly cool."
"Yeah, good luck with that. I'm going after the leggy blonde with tooth decay and nasal wart. Long as we don't kiss, bedding her would be murder most persuasive."
Later:
"So? Did you score with the witch?"
"Nah, she wasn't a witch. Babe was an underage Irish zombie dolled up for Halloween."
2 YAs I (Barbara) would Totally read:
(1) Jared X
She slides into the crawlspace beneath the school lunchroom. The building’s underbelly is grimy, insalubrious. From here she’ll see its approach. Her blade is ready, her left arm painstakingly trained to deliver deadly force. Her lifelong mission, unfulfilled but unforsaken, is to slay it. Something moves in the woods.
Cartoon ghosts and witches adorn the windows above. October cheerfulness masks the terror of That Thing’s palate for human young.
Now it slithers out from the decay of fallen leaves, more imposing than last time. She springs. Years of futility dissolve with a single thrust and dying squeal. Later, she exhales.
(2) kathleenliz
Diane’s mom watched her slay an apple with a Popsicle stick before handing her the phone. “It’s Jackie.”
“Ugh. I don’t want to talk to that b-witch.”
“Well the bwitch wants to remind you to bring something sweet to her ‘Unforsaken Halloween Bash’. I’ll be upstairs.”
Diane opened an unlabeled bottle. It smelled like decay and almonds.
“Jackie?” She said, “Of course I’m coming to your party.”
Tipping the bottle of cyanide into melted caramel, Diane stirred it twice, dunked the skewered fruit into the deadly mixture, and plopped it onto a platter shaped like a ghost.
“I’m bringing desert.”
These are the semi-finalists:
Laurie Dennison
Neil lights the cigarette for her. “Another insalubrious habit.”
Muriel stretches forward, a ghost of the girl she was, and inhales. “An unforsaken habit, anyway. Trying to slay zombies proved more deadly.”
“Have you lost any more?” he eyes her arm beneath the sheet, weighing which transgression would get him fired faster, her age or her condition.
“Two. The decay’s accelerating.” The bites on her wrist burn; she loses her pinkie. “Make that three.”
“Alma Potter in Comparative Religion, they say she’s a witch. Maybe,”
“You need your hearing checked, Professor. They say Dr. Potter’s a bitch.”
Phil Hall
She lies decayed in the ground, that old crone, that horrid enchantress, and the world is better for it. Decades had passed since I came to slay her, and now it is her ghost that called to me demanding my presence, summoning me to where she insalubriously festers. I, alone, buried her and knew where her bones rotted and how her blood pooled; and here, in this unforsaken hollow, it was also only I who would learn her most deadly secret: I had killed the wrong witch.
The snitching spirit demanded recompense--her sister's soul in place of her own.
Kerry
Her insalubrious confectionery concoctions so dazzled the palate, many thought her a culinary witch. The truth was stranger; her sweets were savvy subterfuge for godhood maintained through gulping ghosts. To avoid slaying her dwindling devotees, she used unforsaken invocations to hasten decay in those who devoured her shop's deadly delicacies. Crispy cookies carried off a month, tasty truffles took two, and a single slice of red velvet stole a year. Interviewed after the murderous masquerade was exposed, one long-time customer said they would still purchase the poisonous pastries. He opined that they were "good enough to die for".
Patty Blount
Mother clutched my hand and climbed the steps. She couldn't see the lady on the porch.
I could.
Gray skin. Cloudy eyes. She smelled like dirt and decay. Mother smiled once. "It's okay." She tugged me along.
"She lies, child." The ghost whispered through rotting teeth in bloody gums. "She means to slay you."
I shrieked.
The door opened. Mother shoved me inside. "She is unforsaken!" She ran, screaming, gripping her skirts. The ghost lady followed in deadly pursuit.
"Hush." A new voice whispered. "The living are insalubrious for witches but the dead are not. Welcome."
I smiled.
wordencounters**
(**one of the four lucky random winners of the book prizes!)
The insalubrious smell of decay hits my nose before I reach the circle of stones. Some deadly witch’s ritual had definitely occurred here. I close my eyes and can almost hear echoes of chanting as someone had prepared to slay their sacrifices in the once unforsaken forest. Kneeling next to a decomposing corpse, I scan its ghost pale face. Footsteps crunch on the dead leaves behind me, but before I can turn, icy fingers wrap around my throat. A knife slices my abdomen. Blood oozes onto the forest floor, and I realize these bodies weren’t the Halloween sacrifice. I am.
jan the one @3:38pm (there are two jans!)
Until the neighbors found old man Krembly wandering disheveled and bloodied through their backyard that night, no one believed that his house was haunted. People thought he was insane.
“But the floorboards creak and the windows rattle all night,” he insisted.
He claimed that some sort of witch or ghost—something grim and ghastly—had terrorized him more than once. Finally his unforsaken crusade to be free of it drove him to use deadly force, to slay it and leave it to decay.
A pot of dead rats simmering on the stove posed a most insalubrious discovery the next morning.
Greta is Erikasbuddy
A ghost of the midnight bells fills the air. The witching hour is upon us like a severed hand that is hard to escape. The decaying moon hangs heavy in the sky. Her sickly unforsaken light touches my skin.Burning me. Branding me.
It's happening. That deadly curse I've been blessed with. Slaying my INSALUBRIOUS thoughts with it's bite. I scream at them, “Run.” But they never believe me. Always insisting I’m crying wolf.
I can feel it coming. My hands, my eyes, the back of my mouth. And once again, I cry, “Wolf”. Why don’t they believe me?
Michael Seese
"So, a witch, a werewolf, and a ghost walk into a bar. And the werewolf says, am I hairy, or is it hot in here?"
Uproarious laughter.
I had sworn off doing stand-up for the zombie crowd. But a few Benjamins waved under my nose, and they were unforsaken. The pay was good, though the audiences could be dead. And in varying states of decay. If they don't kill you, the deadly, insalubrious air of the club will.
"You guys slay me. Take my life, please..." As they began their trudge to the stage, I thought, Bad choice of words.
Michelle Levy
My hand grazed the ghost of white lace that fell over the window, parting it just far enough to peek out. The unforsaken yard appeared to be free of its usual deadly inhabitants: the large black raven and that witch if a squirrel.
I regretted leaving my shoes behind, but there was no turning back now. The cold, damp, insalubrious, decaying leaves stuck to my bare feet as I scurried across the yard.
When I reached the metal coffin, I pulled it open and peeked inside.
It was there, waiting like an assassin to slay my hope… Another form rejection.
justwritecat
Paul knelt by the gelatinous mess. “Male, unusual state of decay owing to—"
“You can tell it’s male?” Martinez looked back at the remains.
The M.E. pointed to a clump. “Guy’s family stones. Some places, that kind of thing’s considered good eats. Guess not in Austin, Texas.”
The cop looked a ghostly shade of pale. “What is with this unforsaken town? Every freakin’ year someone pulls a Hannibal.”
Paul nodded. “Who knew trick-or-treating was so deadly for the college set?” Or that this campus could continue to churn out such tasty witches, goblins and demon-slayers. Still, he’d never acquire a taste for albondigas.
*Disclaimer - I've lived in Austin and, from what I recall, man-eating is kept to a bare minimum. I can’t speak for other parts of Texas - they do tend to go wild up around Dallas.
And here are the four finalists!
Eileen
They camp in the park, amidst the decay of junk food wrappers and the great unwashed. Insalubrious conditions, even for a ghost.
“The latest poll numbers are deadly. The witches get 99% of the press. Salem is like the Disneyland of the unforsaken. They’ve got the Crucible on Broadway, their plight under the lights of the Great White Way. Even Shakespeare with his double, double, toil and trouble. Meanwhile, our poster boy is Caspar; it’s downright embarrassing. They’re going to slay us on CNN.”
She waves a poster high: WE ARE THE 1%.
“What does that even mean?” he sighs.
Kelly
Clouds slay any moonlight, but frolic continues. Bright faces of the unforsaken – made more vibrant by their pursuit of insalubrious treasures – continue by the decay of the stone bridge.
We meet under it.
“My name is Elizabeth and I’m a ghost.”
“Hello, Elizabeth.” The chorus of voices sounds.
“I’ve been a ghost for 322 years. This is my first meeting.”
There’s some cheering. It’s a lively – well, deadly – crowd.
“How did you die?” The calm wisdom in Phil’s gaze belies his childish face.
“Drowned as a witch.”
An old lady apparition snorts. “Like we really need another one of those.”
sheribomb
Mrs. Nieman was a witch, I was sure of it. Still, I followed the scent of fresh gingerbread into the black forest. The underlying, insalubrious stench of decay did not dissuade me, nor did the legends of ghosts of lost children I heard from the townsfolk. The old lady was deadly as a poisoned apple, they said, and she baked with them too. I said I would find her unforsaken cottage, with its frosting trim and candied glass, and I would slay her. I lied. The gingerbread melted on my tongue like spun sugar, and death was almost as sweet.
Swift Scribbler
I squeeze her throat. She squeals and scrambles, clawing at my hand. I tighten until she stops struggling, then loosen.
She gasps. “Do you know who I am?”
“I care not.” I run my nails over her sagging cheek. The rasp shivers down both our spines. “I slay the forsaken, the unforsaken, the queens and the paupers.”
“I’m a witch!”
“I turn witches to ghosts,” I breathe and she trembles.
“Who are you?”
“The deadly tick-tock of the clock, the countdown to decay.” I lean in and whisper, “The unstoppable insalubriousness of age.”
I steal a kiss.
And a life.
And the winner of the 30-page critique by Barbara "Take No Prisoners" Poelle is Sheribomb!
All the winners need to email me to claim their prizes: janet @ fineprintlit dot com
Congratulations to everyone who entered!
 |
| Barbara Poelle on Monday morning |
Fortunately DeathKitten, her companion in crime, was able to swoop in, electronically speaking, to offer aid and comfort.
 |
| DeathKitten swooping in |
Without further ado, here are the entries selected from the contest:
Points for Humor:
Anita
Lightning flashes. Lights go off. Bottle knocks glass and there’s an evil laugh…from a witch, ghost or deadly bartender.
Lights come on. And the table’s different…a body’s on it (with no decay), surrounded by bottles, glasses, candy wrappers.
H.R. points at B.P.
B.P. points at H.R.
Both point at J.R. on the unforsaken tablecloth (“unforsaken,” because B.P. retrieved the liquor-stained cloth from H.R.’s Goodwill donations bag).
H.R.: “But we cut her off.”
B.P., glassy-eyed: “We knew another shot would slay her.”
Terror transforms their (otherwise beautiful) faces. They scream, “Who (vodka) shot J.R.?!”
Lightning flashes. Lights flicker. An insalubrious shark laughs.
Honorable Mention for Humor:
John
The tall ghost ripped off his sheets. Whipped out a deadly knife. The insalubrious witch to his right shrieked. A zombie in full decay dropped his beer and ran for the door.
"Janet and Barbara are my babes, Clooney," the huge man said in a low voice.
George looked up from his copy of UNFORSAKEN and patted the knees of the hot literary agents on either side of him: Janet dressed as a slutty angel and Barbara as a succubus.
He smiled. "Reacher, let's make a deal. We don't slay each other and maybe we can do a double date."
Recognition for being unique:
Feaky Snucker
Ghost seeks love to slay his loneliness. You want to feel unforsaken, and are open to being watched while you sleep. He enjoys the scent of flowers in decay, and walks on insalubrious beaches. Deadly witch need not apply.
BIG PROPS for insinuating that Root and I are drunk and pantsless in a HoJo somewhere at any given moment, not to mention an amazing play on words with wan hoarse open slay:
dylan**
(** one of the four lucky random winners of the book prizes!)
BLACKMAIL
Three witches drank a loathsome brew-
One muttered ultimatums, too:
“Tis nearly now All Hallow’s Eve
and Reid’s got something up her sleeve-
Photos from a dank hotel
of Holly Root and Babs Poelle,
casting spells and drinking shots,
while dishabille, and sans culottes.”
“A contest’s what I’d fancy most
to honor Late October’s ghost,
A deadly process, undertaken,
that my blog be unforsaken.
And YOU, my entrapped sentries
will be challenging all entries...”
“Eye of newt and murray decay
in a wan, hoarse, open slay...”
CODA:
“Oh don’t look so lugubrious, gals-
It’s really insalubrious, pals!”
Recognition for being politically topical
Cynicman
“Come on, sound it out. You can do it,” the young teacher said.
“In-sa-lube-re-us,” the nervous student said.
“Very, very good, Quenita” the teacher said.
And so it went each school day. The teacher attempted to slay deadly ignorance one child at a time.
A ghost of a smile appeared on her lips as she wished once again she could be a powerful witch that could end societal decay with a simple spell. The smile faded. There was no magic to be found. The truth was that she felt unforsaken. Her Governor, Chris Christie, thought she was a union thug.
Points for using another client title in the story (Murder Most Persuasive):
The Precinct House Squad
"Which babe?"
"The near witch."
"No witches here, idiot. This is ghost country. They'd slay a witch who showed her insalubrious mug here."
"Insalubrious? You're never going to get laid if you use those godforsaken words."
"Proper English must remain unforsaken. Chicks find erudite fellows deadly cool."
"Yeah, good luck with that. I'm going after the leggy blonde with tooth decay and nasal wart. Long as we don't kiss, bedding her would be murder most persuasive."
Later:
"So? Did you score with the witch?"
"Nah, she wasn't a witch. Babe was an underage Irish zombie dolled up for Halloween."
2 YAs I (Barbara) would Totally read:
(1) Jared X
She slides into the crawlspace beneath the school lunchroom. The building’s underbelly is grimy, insalubrious. From here she’ll see its approach. Her blade is ready, her left arm painstakingly trained to deliver deadly force. Her lifelong mission, unfulfilled but unforsaken, is to slay it. Something moves in the woods.
Cartoon ghosts and witches adorn the windows above. October cheerfulness masks the terror of That Thing’s palate for human young.
Now it slithers out from the decay of fallen leaves, more imposing than last time. She springs. Years of futility dissolve with a single thrust and dying squeal. Later, she exhales.
(2) kathleenliz
Diane’s mom watched her slay an apple with a Popsicle stick before handing her the phone. “It’s Jackie.”
“Ugh. I don’t want to talk to that b-witch.”
“Well the bwitch wants to remind you to bring something sweet to her ‘Unforsaken Halloween Bash’. I’ll be upstairs.”
Diane opened an unlabeled bottle. It smelled like decay and almonds.
“Jackie?” She said, “Of course I’m coming to your party.”
Tipping the bottle of cyanide into melted caramel, Diane stirred it twice, dunked the skewered fruit into the deadly mixture, and plopped it onto a platter shaped like a ghost.
“I’m bringing desert.”
These are the semi-finalists:
Laurie Dennison
Neil lights the cigarette for her. “Another insalubrious habit.”
Muriel stretches forward, a ghost of the girl she was, and inhales. “An unforsaken habit, anyway. Trying to slay zombies proved more deadly.”
“Have you lost any more?” he eyes her arm beneath the sheet, weighing which transgression would get him fired faster, her age or her condition.
“Two. The decay’s accelerating.” The bites on her wrist burn; she loses her pinkie. “Make that three.”
“Alma Potter in Comparative Religion, they say she’s a witch. Maybe,”
“You need your hearing checked, Professor. They say Dr. Potter’s a bitch.”
Phil Hall
She lies decayed in the ground, that old crone, that horrid enchantress, and the world is better for it. Decades had passed since I came to slay her, and now it is her ghost that called to me demanding my presence, summoning me to where she insalubriously festers. I, alone, buried her and knew where her bones rotted and how her blood pooled; and here, in this unforsaken hollow, it was also only I who would learn her most deadly secret: I had killed the wrong witch.
The snitching spirit demanded recompense--her sister's soul in place of her own.
Kerry
Her insalubrious confectionery concoctions so dazzled the palate, many thought her a culinary witch. The truth was stranger; her sweets were savvy subterfuge for godhood maintained through gulping ghosts. To avoid slaying her dwindling devotees, she used unforsaken invocations to hasten decay in those who devoured her shop's deadly delicacies. Crispy cookies carried off a month, tasty truffles took two, and a single slice of red velvet stole a year. Interviewed after the murderous masquerade was exposed, one long-time customer said they would still purchase the poisonous pastries. He opined that they were "good enough to die for".
Patty Blount
Mother clutched my hand and climbed the steps. She couldn't see the lady on the porch.
I could.
Gray skin. Cloudy eyes. She smelled like dirt and decay. Mother smiled once. "It's okay." She tugged me along.
"She lies, child." The ghost whispered through rotting teeth in bloody gums. "She means to slay you."
I shrieked.
The door opened. Mother shoved me inside. "She is unforsaken!" She ran, screaming, gripping her skirts. The ghost lady followed in deadly pursuit.
"Hush." A new voice whispered. "The living are insalubrious for witches but the dead are not. Welcome."
I smiled.
wordencounters**
(**one of the four lucky random winners of the book prizes!)
The insalubrious smell of decay hits my nose before I reach the circle of stones. Some deadly witch’s ritual had definitely occurred here. I close my eyes and can almost hear echoes of chanting as someone had prepared to slay their sacrifices in the once unforsaken forest. Kneeling next to a decomposing corpse, I scan its ghost pale face. Footsteps crunch on the dead leaves behind me, but before I can turn, icy fingers wrap around my throat. A knife slices my abdomen. Blood oozes onto the forest floor, and I realize these bodies weren’t the Halloween sacrifice. I am.
jan the one @3:38pm (there are two jans!)
Until the neighbors found old man Krembly wandering disheveled and bloodied through their backyard that night, no one believed that his house was haunted. People thought he was insane.
“But the floorboards creak and the windows rattle all night,” he insisted.
He claimed that some sort of witch or ghost—something grim and ghastly—had terrorized him more than once. Finally his unforsaken crusade to be free of it drove him to use deadly force, to slay it and leave it to decay.
A pot of dead rats simmering on the stove posed a most insalubrious discovery the next morning.
Greta is Erikasbuddy
A ghost of the midnight bells fills the air. The witching hour is upon us like a severed hand that is hard to escape. The decaying moon hangs heavy in the sky. Her sickly unforsaken light touches my skin.Burning me. Branding me.
It's happening. That deadly curse I've been blessed with. Slaying my INSALUBRIOUS thoughts with it's bite. I scream at them, “Run.” But they never believe me. Always insisting I’m crying wolf.
I can feel it coming. My hands, my eyes, the back of my mouth. And once again, I cry, “Wolf”. Why don’t they believe me?
Michael Seese
"So, a witch, a werewolf, and a ghost walk into a bar. And the werewolf says, am I hairy, or is it hot in here?"
Uproarious laughter.
I had sworn off doing stand-up for the zombie crowd. But a few Benjamins waved under my nose, and they were unforsaken. The pay was good, though the audiences could be dead. And in varying states of decay. If they don't kill you, the deadly, insalubrious air of the club will.
"You guys slay me. Take my life, please..." As they began their trudge to the stage, I thought, Bad choice of words.
Michelle Levy
My hand grazed the ghost of white lace that fell over the window, parting it just far enough to peek out. The unforsaken yard appeared to be free of its usual deadly inhabitants: the large black raven and that witch if a squirrel.
I regretted leaving my shoes behind, but there was no turning back now. The cold, damp, insalubrious, decaying leaves stuck to my bare feet as I scurried across the yard.
When I reached the metal coffin, I pulled it open and peeked inside.
It was there, waiting like an assassin to slay my hope… Another form rejection.
justwritecat
Paul knelt by the gelatinous mess. “Male, unusual state of decay owing to—"
“You can tell it’s male?” Martinez looked back at the remains.
The M.E. pointed to a clump. “Guy’s family stones. Some places, that kind of thing’s considered good eats. Guess not in Austin, Texas.”
The cop looked a ghostly shade of pale. “What is with this unforsaken town? Every freakin’ year someone pulls a Hannibal.”
Paul nodded. “Who knew trick-or-treating was so deadly for the college set?” Or that this campus could continue to churn out such tasty witches, goblins and demon-slayers. Still, he’d never acquire a taste for albondigas.
*Disclaimer - I've lived in Austin and, from what I recall, man-eating is kept to a bare minimum. I can’t speak for other parts of Texas - they do tend to go wild up around Dallas.
Pam
The witch is a snitch.
This phrase had been playing through the unforsaken's mind for the past three days. It pushed him toward his goal. To kill the witch, slay the snitch. Witches were deadly, but unforsaken didn't mind. Their brains and bodies were an insalubrious place, their only thought to please their masters.
This particular unforsaken was in the early stages of his decay, which is why he had been chosen to slay the witch. A few more days and he would be a ghost like the rest, but for now, he trudged forward.
The witch is a snitch.
KK
The old schoolhouse stood alone yet unforsaken, the scent of decay a mere whisper in these cold, deadly woods. Only on Halloween did children ever venture there, searching for the ghost that guarded the threshold, her long, slender fingers poised to slay any intruder who disturbed her classroom.
On this particular Halloween, a small child knocked on the charred red door, and when it opened, a witch with a warped, spindly wand appeared. Enraged, she thrust it forward.
“Insalubrious!” she cried.
The little girl looked down. “My candy,” she whimpered.
She was the last to venture there on Halloween night.
Ali Trotta
“Insalubrious,” Mick muttered, as he tried opening the crypt door.
“Do you mean inconceivable?”
“Get back, witch!” he shouted.
“Stop quoting from The Princess Bride. You’re a ghost. You can’t open doors, so give up,” I reminded, rolling my eyes.
“Well, you’re decaying,” he retorted childishly. “And it’s your fault we’re in this unforsaken place!”
“Don’t you mean godforsaken?” I quipped, giving him a deadly stare. “For the last time, it wasn’t my fault. We were slayed by the slayer.”
“That Buffy chick? She’s a myth.”
“Said the ghost!”
If our couples counselor were here, she’d have a field day.
Colin Smith
Gemma gave her mother a deadly look.
"I'm not wearing that--the others'll slay me!"
"You're already dead," her mother grinned.
"I'm a vampire, mom, not a ghost. I can feel pain."
"Who's the young man?"
"Lloyd Finklebaum," Gemma smiled.
"Isn't his mother a witch? She's the chef at Insalubrious."
"Which witch?" Gemma said. Her mother frowned. That joke reeked of decay.
The doorbell rang. Gemma pulled the discarded garment over her head and ran for the door.
"Don't be late," her mother called after her. "You're not too old to be unforsaken, you know!"
Papillon crew
I accepted the foamy beer with a wave as I sneezed into my witch’s robes. Sick on Hallowe’en – my luck slays me. I pushed back into the party, my watering eyes travelling over the deadly and the unforsaken, the chaste and the lace-clad.
A cool hand slipped into mine. “Enjoying your insalubrious brew?”
I turned to a smiling, blood-splattered ghost. I leaned in, but froze as I caught a whiff of decay. Not makeup, then.
I swung my distinctly un-witchy axe and her zombie head rolled away. I blew my nose. Stuck working on Hallowe’en.
I needed another insalubrious brew.
Ulysses
She was a witch. I was a ghost. You'd think that combination would be deadly for a marriage, but our vows remained unforsaken. Our obsession with children was a bit insalubrious, but our baby was born immortal. We named her for optimism, a bastion against her parent's decay. Alone among the undead, we know for certain that nothing can slay Hope.
Becke Davis
I ask you, how hard can it be to slay a ghost?
It’s basic Witch 101, should have been a no-brainer. Take an unforsaken tomb, a deadly spell with your standard cobwebs, newt’s eye and warty toad, and faster than you can say “insalubrious zombie” Bad Ghostie vanishes into the ether.
How was I to know a little wart decay would bung up the whole process? Now I’ve got slimy, leech-like thingies crawling out of the primordial slime and clogging my drains, and the ghost is laughing his ethereal ass off.
Where are the freaking Ghostbusters when you need them?
AngiNicole
Some old Southern families have history. Mine had ghosts, deadly curses, and a legend of a witch looking for long overdue revenge.
In New Orleans, Halloween is a tawdry celebration and I frolicked as Creole music poured from bars. I encouraged imaginary knights to slay purple dragons; green fairies weren’t just in your drinks and storybook heroines showed their most insalubrious sides.
That’s when I saw her.
I ran like mad.
She found me there, cowering in an alley. Death and decay surrounded her as she cackled loudly.
One block away was safety. Laughter. Life.
But here I was unforsaken.
gregkshipman**
(** one of the four lucky random winners of the book prizes!)
Goes Bump in the Night
A witch in decay as darkness would fall
and I, a scared child, gave a pitiful call.
‘Neath covers I’d stay as a ghost slithered near
and nightmarish screams I’d constantly hear.
Through cold deadly mists I’d shudder to see—
insalubrious vampires eager to slay only me.
Unforsaken have blessings; not me in my plight
of gathering things going bump in the night.
Exited childhood— though younger than most
selling drugs my career path; also my boast.
Fear only me, not those creatures of fright
I’m now the thing that goes bump in the night.
Cynthia Ivers
“Get me out of this unforsaken place!” The actress let out a timid cry.
“Cut. That’s God-forsaken and your screaming wasn’t deadly enough. Ok, quiet on the set. Roll-em.”
“Please don’t hurt me. Keep your ghostly hands off my decaying dress.”
“Cut. That’s DKNY dress. Go on.”
“I’m not the slayer you seek. I’m just a model from Green Witch Village.”
“Cut. That’s Greenwich Village. The movie’s called Halloween in Manhattan - never mind. Now, this next line’s tough.”
“You’re going to eat me? You can’t, I’m insalubrious.”
“Cut. Perfect. How did you….?”
“All models know that word.” She smiled.
RickBox
(** one of the four lucky random winners of the book prizes!)
(** one of the four lucky random winners of the book prizes!)
The witch would take my soul by touching my nose with her black fingernail. It approached…. But an unseen barrier blocked her crooked, warty finger.
“You must be an author,” she shrieked. “I hate Writer’s Block!”
“Give up, Insalubrious. You can’t take Unforsaken.”
“You must stay until you answer three riddles. Take DEADLY, drop two letters, insert one, form a spooky word.”
3,900 possibilities…. “DECAY.”
“Hell! Again: Drop three, add two.”
4,680 possibilities…. “SLAY.”
“Hell! Spooky word with alphabetical letters?”
“GHOST!”
My nightmare ended.
The moral of the story: a sleep-deprived writer shouldn’t drink and overdose on Halloween candy!
AAGreene
Pumpkin stared at the ghastly witch and ghost, their cloaks tattered and torn, as they lifted Pumpkin up toward the midnight sky. He desperately tried to slay their deadly plot but was thwarted by a lack of limbs. Pumpkin glimpsed the pavement rushing towards him as he soared through the biting October air.
In one crushing moment, Pumpkin lay smashed against the insalubrious path populated by diminutive villains. As his pointed teeth began to wither and curl in decay, Pumpkin realized their small stature masked an unforsaken evil that boils to the surface only one night a year.
And here are the four finalists!
Eileen
They camp in the park, amidst the decay of junk food wrappers and the great unwashed. Insalubrious conditions, even for a ghost.
“The latest poll numbers are deadly. The witches get 99% of the press. Salem is like the Disneyland of the unforsaken. They’ve got the Crucible on Broadway, their plight under the lights of the Great White Way. Even Shakespeare with his double, double, toil and trouble. Meanwhile, our poster boy is Caspar; it’s downright embarrassing. They’re going to slay us on CNN.”
She waves a poster high: WE ARE THE 1%.
“What does that even mean?” he sighs.
Kelly
Clouds slay any moonlight, but frolic continues. Bright faces of the unforsaken – made more vibrant by their pursuit of insalubrious treasures – continue by the decay of the stone bridge.
We meet under it.
“My name is Elizabeth and I’m a ghost.”
“Hello, Elizabeth.” The chorus of voices sounds.
“I’ve been a ghost for 322 years. This is my first meeting.”
There’s some cheering. It’s a lively – well, deadly – crowd.
“How did you die?” The calm wisdom in Phil’s gaze belies his childish face.
“Drowned as a witch.”
An old lady apparition snorts. “Like we really need another one of those.”
sheribomb
Mrs. Nieman was a witch, I was sure of it. Still, I followed the scent of fresh gingerbread into the black forest. The underlying, insalubrious stench of decay did not dissuade me, nor did the legends of ghosts of lost children I heard from the townsfolk. The old lady was deadly as a poisoned apple, they said, and she baked with them too. I said I would find her unforsaken cottage, with its frosting trim and candied glass, and I would slay her. I lied. The gingerbread melted on my tongue like spun sugar, and death was almost as sweet.
Swift Scribbler
I squeeze her throat. She squeals and scrambles, clawing at my hand. I tighten until she stops struggling, then loosen.
She gasps. “Do you know who I am?”
“I care not.” I run my nails over her sagging cheek. The rasp shivers down both our spines. “I slay the forsaken, the unforsaken, the queens and the paupers.”
“I’m a witch!”
“I turn witches to ghosts,” I breathe and she trembles.
“Who are you?”
“The deadly tick-tock of the clock, the countdown to decay.” I lean in and whisper, “The unstoppable insalubriousness of age.”
I steal a kiss.
And a life.
And the winner of the 30-page critique by Barbara "Take No Prisoners" Poelle is Sheribomb!
All the winners need to email me to claim their prizes: janet @ fineprintlit dot com
Congratulations to everyone who entered!
Senin, 24 Oktober 2011
"You've got whales too!"
This video made me think of Warren Richey's WITHOUT A PADDLE, the story of his water race around Florida in The Ultimate Florida Challenge. I thought gators and snakes were scary but holy H2O those blue whales are BIG!
When you're querying non-fiction
Before you finalize your query letter for any work of non-fiction, you should google your subject's name and see what comes up. Generally it's the Wikipedia page. Read it.
If you're querying me about a biography, that's exactly what I'm going to do after I read your query. The reason I do that is because one of the things I look for in a proposed project is whether there is something fresh and new to say about a subject: new information; new analysis, new sources.
If you've queried me for a project and you fail to mention some of the basic things I can find in a quick google search, particularly the negative ones, it does not bode well for the quality of your research.
And if Wikipedia and the generally available sources are wrong? Hurray! This is exactly the kind of information you WANT to include: "everything we think we know about Subject X is wrong, and my book will fix that."
If you're querying me about a biography, that's exactly what I'm going to do after I read your query. The reason I do that is because one of the things I look for in a proposed project is whether there is something fresh and new to say about a subject: new information; new analysis, new sources.
If you've queried me for a project and you fail to mention some of the basic things I can find in a quick google search, particularly the negative ones, it does not bode well for the quality of your research.
And if Wikipedia and the generally available sources are wrong? Hurray! This is exactly the kind of information you WANT to include: "everything we think we know about Subject X is wrong, and my book will fix that."
Minggu, 23 Oktober 2011
I may add this to my submission guidelines!
Best new addition to the submissions guidelines I've seen in a while:
By submitting a query to Snubnose Press, you acknowledge that if you act unprofessional, you may end up on our shitlist** and understand that we regularly talk and interact with other editors, zines and presses.
** Yes, we have one.
By submitting a query to Snubnose Press, you acknowledge that if you act unprofessional, you may end up on our shitlist** and understand that we regularly talk and interact with other editors, zines and presses.
** Yes, we have one.
Kamis, 20 Oktober 2011
Most Terrifying Contest Ever!/CONTEST NOW CLOSED TO ENTRIES
Jump in to the shark pool to win a critique from Barbara "Take No Prisoners" Poelle.
Here's how to enter: Write a Halloween themed story using 100 words or fewer.
Use these words in the story:
UNFORSAKEN
DEADLY
WITCH
GHOST
DECAY
SLAY
Bonus points if you also use the word: Insalubrious
Post the story in the comments section of this post! Contest opens on 10/21 at noon and closes 10/22 at noon. All times are Eastern Standard Shark time.Comment section is closed until 10/21 at noon!
One entry per person.
If you need a mulligan, delete your entry and repost.
All decisions are entirely subjective.
ONE winner will receive a critique of the first thirty pages of your manuscript from Barbara Poelle
ONE random winner will receive copies of UNFORSAKEN by Sophie Littlefield
ONE random winner will receive a copy of DEADLY COOL by Gemma Halliday
ONE random winner will receive a copy of THE NEAR WITCH by Victoria Schwab
ONE random winner will receive a copy of GHOST COUNTRY by Patrick Lee
Barbara Poelle and Holly Root will review the entries
Janet Reid will be the tie-breaking vote!
Ready?
Set?
GO! (comments section is closed till the contest starts!) CONTEST NOW CLOSED
Here's how to enter: Write a Halloween themed story using 100 words or fewer.
Use these words in the story:
UNFORSAKEN
DEADLY
WITCH
GHOST
DECAY
SLAY
Bonus points if you also use the word: Insalubrious
Post the story in the comments section of this post! Contest opens on 10/21 at noon and closes 10/22 at noon. All times are Eastern Standard Shark time.
One entry per person.
If you need a mulligan, delete your entry and repost.
All decisions are entirely subjective.
ONE winner will receive a critique of the first thirty pages of your manuscript from Barbara Poelle
ONE random winner will receive copies of UNFORSAKEN by Sophie Littlefield
ONE random winner will receive a copy of DEADLY COOL by Gemma Halliday
ONE random winner will receive a copy of THE NEAR WITCH by Victoria Schwab
ONE random winner will receive a copy of GHOST COUNTRY by Patrick Lee
Barbara Poelle and Holly Root will review the entries
Janet Reid will be the tie-breaking vote!
Ready?
Set?
Selasa, 18 Oktober 2011
The waiting game
I didn't take on two novels this week for very different reasons.
The first was for a novel that is simply out of my league. I'll read it when it gets published. I'll be in the author's fan club for life (I hope!) But I won't be his agent. He needs an agent who has better editorial acumen than I. A lot of agents spring from the primordial ooze of editorial; not I.
My pass to him closed with this: I have to recognize my own limitations and step aside. You'll thank me for this. Maybe not right this second, but soon, and for the rest of your life.
The second was for a writer who's going to be very very good. He writes very clean crisp prose. He just doesn't have the right book yet. The novel he queried me for is one I've read a dozen times. It's possible to get those published these days but only if you're in the midst of a multiple book contract. He's not. He's writing his debut. He needs something fresh and new. I have no doubt he'll find it.
What I'm wondering now is how this will all turn out. It will be interesting to come back in a year and see what's transpired. Was I right to say no to the Amazing Novel? Was I wrong to let Talented Unknown get away?
The only way to know will be to see the results. Unlike poker there are no published odds. There's only experience and instinct. I've been wrong a lot. But I've been right enough.
What choices have you made that needed a year to know whether you were right?
The first was for a novel that is simply out of my league. I'll read it when it gets published. I'll be in the author's fan club for life (I hope!) But I won't be his agent. He needs an agent who has better editorial acumen than I. A lot of agents spring from the primordial ooze of editorial; not I.
My pass to him closed with this: I have to recognize my own limitations and step aside. You'll thank me for this. Maybe not right this second, but soon, and for the rest of your life.
The second was for a writer who's going to be very very good. He writes very clean crisp prose. He just doesn't have the right book yet. The novel he queried me for is one I've read a dozen times. It's possible to get those published these days but only if you're in the midst of a multiple book contract. He's not. He's writing his debut. He needs something fresh and new. I have no doubt he'll find it.
What I'm wondering now is how this will all turn out. It will be interesting to come back in a year and see what's transpired. Was I right to say no to the Amazing Novel? Was I wrong to let Talented Unknown get away?
The only way to know will be to see the results. Unlike poker there are no published odds. There's only experience and instinct. I've been wrong a lot. But I've been right enough.
What choices have you made that needed a year to know whether you were right?
How to find yourself blocked from my twitter feed
It should come as no surprise to anyone reading this blog that I am surly, curmudgeonly, and quick to bite any fingers trying to pet me through my cage door.
Twitter is an amazing tool for social networking and used properly you can find yourself with a cordial relationship even with the surliest in the twitterverse.
Used properly as *I* define it of course. These are not hard and fast rules for what not to do on Twitter(yes they are) but they are the things that get you blocked by me:
1. Block your own twitter feed. I go through my list of followers every so often, usually late at night when I'm most surly, and I block everyone who has a padlock next to their name. I won't ask permission to follow you; you don't need mine to follow me. If you block your twitter feed I see no reason you should get to come to my party in the invisibility cloak.
2. Ask me housekeeping questions about queries or submissions. Twitter is a public forum. I'm not going to tell you to take a fucking hike in public. I'm just going to remove you from my line of sight.
3. Ask me to read your book, your query or go to your website. It's an even easier decision when your ENTIRE twitter feed is asking people to read your work. Again: Twitter is a public forum. I'm not going to tell you to take a fucking hike in public. I'm just going to remove you from my line of sight.
4. Your twitter feed appears to be you retweeting everything I say. And ONLY that. Write your own damn tweets.
5. Including @janet_reid in tweets that have nothing to do with me. I see all those. If you're using that strategy to include me in a conversation, it doesn't work.
If you want my attention on twitter, you're MUCH more likely to get it organically. Follow my clients, and engage them in conversation such that I see who they are talking to.
There are at least two writers I first fixed my beady eye on solely because @byseanferrell and @jeffreysomers talked to them and liked them.
Twitter is the long game. Play wisely.
Twitter is an amazing tool for social networking and used properly you can find yourself with a cordial relationship even with the surliest in the twitterverse.
Used properly as *I* define it of course. These are not hard and fast rules for what not to do on Twitter
1. Block your own twitter feed. I go through my list of followers every so often, usually late at night when I'm most surly, and I block everyone who has a padlock next to their name. I won't ask permission to follow you; you don't need mine to follow me. If you block your twitter feed I see no reason you should get to come to my party in the invisibility cloak.
2. Ask me housekeeping questions about queries or submissions. Twitter is a public forum. I'm not going to tell you to take a fucking hike in public. I'm just going to remove you from my line of sight.
3. Ask me to read your book, your query or go to your website. It's an even easier decision when your ENTIRE twitter feed is asking people to read your work. Again: Twitter is a public forum. I'm not going to tell you to take a fucking hike in public. I'm just going to remove you from my line of sight.
4. Your twitter feed appears to be you retweeting everything I say. And ONLY that. Write your own damn tweets.
5. Including @janet_reid in tweets that have nothing to do with me. I see all those. If you're using that strategy to include me in a conversation, it doesn't work.
If you want my attention on twitter, you're MUCH more likely to get it organically. Follow my clients, and engage them in conversation such that I see who they are talking to.
There are at least two writers I first fixed my beady eye on solely because @byseanferrell and @jeffreysomers talked to them and liked them.
Twitter is the long game. Play wisely.
Senin, 17 Oktober 2011
SHOW not just tell your support for SHINE
Hard on the heels of last week's entertaining news that the National Book Foundation had erred in announcing the title of one of the nominees and thus six (not five) books would be finalists in the YA category, comes the very NOT entertaining news Lauren Myracle as been asked to withdraw her erroneously announced SHINE--and she's agreed.
If this happened to one of my clients, I'd be a puddle of sizzling shark shards on the carpet. Frankly, I can't think of anything more awful in the non-lethal or non-disease category than this.
I feel bad for Harold Augenbraum executive director of the National Book Foundation. He's a very nice guy and I'm sure he didn't wake up last week and say "let's see how we can eviscerate a YA author." I don't agree with the choice the NBF made, but they didn't ask me and I'm not a member.
I feel bad for the editor, publisher and agent for SHINE. To be one of the nominees is a singular moment and my guess is more than few champagne corks popped in their respective offices.
(Libba Bray's post about being 'back stage at the clusterfuck" is brilliant)
But my heart breaks for the author. There's nothing I can say that will comfort her, but there's one thing I can DO to show my support for her gracious behavior in the face of this horrible turn of events.
I can buy her book.
You can too.
If this happened to one of my clients, I'd be a puddle of sizzling shark shards on the carpet. Frankly, I can't think of anything more awful in the non-lethal or non-disease category than this.
I feel bad for Harold Augenbraum executive director of the National Book Foundation. He's a very nice guy and I'm sure he didn't wake up last week and say "let's see how we can eviscerate a YA author." I don't agree with the choice the NBF made, but they didn't ask me and I'm not a member.
I feel bad for the editor, publisher and agent for SHINE. To be one of the nominees is a singular moment and my guess is more than few champagne corks popped in their respective offices.
(Libba Bray's post about being 'back stage at the clusterfuck" is brilliant)
But my heart breaks for the author. There's nothing I can say that will comfort her, but there's one thing I can DO to show my support for her gracious behavior in the face of this horrible turn of events.
I can buy her book.
You can too.
Who the hell are you?
It's bad enough when query letter writers refer to themselves in the third person. Here's an example of what I mean:
Dear Barbara Poelle,
Janet Reid has written an enticing fiction novel about the value of vodka in conducting high stakes literary auctions. Would you like to read it?
Your fan,
Janet Reid
If you are writing the query letter, use first person "I have written."
That's a rule. No exceptions.
Knowing that, when I get a query from someone who says "Janet Reid has written" and the email address and the signature are a different name, I think one of two things:
1. You have multiple personalities
2. You aren't the writer
1 is preferable to 2.
You can't query for someone else. Not now, not ever. I won't respond to those queries. I've said so before, and so this is just a reminder.
Dear Barbara Poelle,
Janet Reid has written an enticing fiction novel about the value of vodka in conducting high stakes literary auctions. Would you like to read it?
Your fan,
Janet Reid
If you are writing the query letter, use first person "I have written."
That's a rule. No exceptions.
Knowing that, when I get a query from someone who says "Janet Reid has written" and the email address and the signature are a different name, I think one of two things:
1. You have multiple personalities
2. You aren't the writer
1 is preferable to 2.
You can't query for someone else. Not now, not ever. I won't respond to those queries. I've said so before, and so this is just a reminder.
Minggu, 16 Oktober 2011
I don't believe you
When you tell me "This manuscript has been professionally edited and is now ready to be published" I don't actually laugh, but I also don't believe you.
For starters, unless I know the editor and have seen projects they've edited, I'm always (ALWAYS) a skeptic. It's very easy to set up shop as a freelance editor these days. Some editors are great, some are good, and I've seen work from some that made me wonder if they read books let alone edited them.
In other words, anonymous editors are like anonymous references: useless.
And honestly if you think a publisher will just put your manuscript into production as is, well, you've got a horrible surprise ahead.
What you're trying to say here is "my manuscript is ready to face the world" but you don't need to actually say it. I assume when you are querying me, your manuscript is in the best possible shape you can get it. You don't need to tell me how it got that way. In fact, it's better if you don't.
Just tell me about the book. Honestly, it's really the only thing I care about right now (unless your query is so condescending and rude that I wouldn't want to work with you no matter how good the book, but that won't ever be one of this blog's readers, I'm SURE!)
For starters, unless I know the editor and have seen projects they've edited, I'm always (ALWAYS) a skeptic. It's very easy to set up shop as a freelance editor these days. Some editors are great, some are good, and I've seen work from some that made me wonder if they read books let alone edited them.
In other words, anonymous editors are like anonymous references: useless.
And honestly if you think a publisher will just put your manuscript into production as is, well, you've got a horrible surprise ahead.
What you're trying to say here is "my manuscript is ready to face the world" but you don't need to actually say it. I assume when you are querying me, your manuscript is in the best possible shape you can get it. You don't need to tell me how it got that way. In fact, it's better if you don't.
Just tell me about the book. Honestly, it's really the only thing I care about right now (unless your query is so condescending and rude that I wouldn't want to work with you no matter how good the book, but that won't ever be one of this blog's readers, I'm SURE!)
Sabtu, 15 Oktober 2011
Where to be on Friday 10/21 in NYC
Hutchins Consort to Perform at Historic Upper East Side Church
Ensemble Celebrates 100th Birthday of Famed Violin Maker
with a performance at Park Avenue Christian Church
The famed violinmaker Carleen Maley Hutchins (May 24, 1911-August 7, 2009) was called the “female Stradivari” by her mentor Harvard physicist Frederick A. Saunders. Her contribution stems from her efforts to harvest technology to improve on the centuries old string instruments and her invention of a new “family” of musical instruments to give new expression to music both ancient and modern.
The new palette of sounds originates with the Hutchins Consort of San Diego, CA—the only ensemble named for an American luthier and the only ensemble in the world that performs on a Hutchins Violin Octet. The Hutchins Consort will embark on its Debut East Coast Tour in October, 2011, in honor of the 100th Anniversary of Hutchins’ birth and will be honoring Dr. Hutchins’ memory throughout their 2011-2012 season. The full schedule is here and the first NYC event is:
Friday, October 21
8 p.m.
Park Avenue Christian Church,
1010 Park Avenue (at 85th Street)
New York, NY 10028.
$20 Adults, $15 Students/Seniors
tickets at the door.
Former Boston Globe arts journalist and Carleen Hutchins biographer, D. Quincy Whitney, will tour with the Hutchins Consort. Whitney will give a short pre-concert talk about how she met Hutchins and came to write her biography.
Hutchins was a most unlikely pioneer—a biologist and trumpet player who taught herself acoustical physics by making violins. Hutchins and Saunders performed more than 100 acoustical experiments on violas and violins made by Hutchins. Hutchins eventually created a louder, more resonant violin via plate tuning and modal analysis. In addition, Hutchins created a forum for an international community devoted to violin acoustics through the Catgut Acoustical Society and its scientific journal that she published for more than thirty years.
ABOUT THE HUTCHINS CONSORT
The Hutchins Consort, founded by Artistic Director Joe McNalley, plays on the eight scaled violins designed and built by famed luthier Dr. Carleen Hutchins. The instruments are the first successful attempt to create an acoustically balanced set of instruments that can truly sound like violins across the entire range of written music. A Violin Octet is a true consort of violins composed of eight violins across the range of a piano—treble, soprano, mezzo, alto, tenor, baritone, bass, and contrabass violins—a tuned set of violins from an 11” treble to a seven-foot contrabass. The Hutchins Consort, based in Southern California, is the only professional ensemble in the world performing on this octet of the New Violin Family instruments.
The Consort brings together a group of extraordinary musicians to play music from the Middle Ages and Renaissance to the music of the modern masters and new works written specifically for these instruments. They display a breadth and depth that few traditional groups match, and a sound that is truly unique.
Jumat, 14 Oktober 2011
Get a book, make a donation
Concord Free Press does something that used to be very unusual.
They give away their books. Free.
Before the "free download" marketing strategy, giving away books was pretty rare.
Concord Free Press has been doing it for a while longer.
Here's "the catch" (and I put that in quotes for a reason; it's not one)
You make a donation. To a charity of YOUR choice.
Then tell Concord Free Press about it.**
AFTER you get the book.
They trust you to do the right thing.
I like that a lot.
(I like that alot too)
Here's the bigger "catch": this is the ONLY way to get these books, and there are only 3000 copies printed.
And they're really good books.
Here's the one that will be available starting tomorrow,9/15 errrr...10/15 (thanks to an eagle eyed commenter for that!)
A HANDBOOK OF AMERICAN PRAYER (a novel) by Lucius Shepard.
More info available at the Concord Free Press website.
**(the list of donations is pretty interesting reading in and of itself)
They give away their books. Free.
Before the "free download" marketing strategy, giving away books was pretty rare.
Concord Free Press has been doing it for a while longer.
Here's "the catch" (and I put that in quotes for a reason; it's not one)
You make a donation. To a charity of YOUR choice.
Then tell Concord Free Press about it.**
AFTER you get the book.
They trust you to do the right thing.
I like that a lot.
(I like that alot too)
Here's the bigger "catch": this is the ONLY way to get these books, and there are only 3000 copies printed.
And they're really good books.
Here's the one that will be available starting tomorrow,
A HANDBOOK OF AMERICAN PRAYER (a novel) by Lucius Shepard.
More info available at the Concord Free Press website.
**(the list of donations is pretty interesting reading in and of itself)
Kamis, 13 Oktober 2011
What prompted this email?
Knowing a picture is worth a thousand words, I sometimes only send images in my email.
To editors who havecompletely lost all their senses rejected a project:
To people I am reminding (again!) about something past due:
My auto-responder when I'm "working from home"
Today, it was this particular image. Can you guess what I heard about that prompted this reply?
Answer: it was finding out I was too late to get tickets for THIS.
To editors who have
To people I am reminding (again!) about something past due:
My auto-responder when I'm "working from home"
Today, it was this particular image. Can you guess what I heard about that prompted this reply?
Answer: it was finding out I was too late to get tickets for THIS.
Rabu, 12 Oktober 2011
new ways of seeing
"Who has seen the wind?
Neither you nor I:
But when the trees bow down their heads
The wind is passing by"
Christina Rosetti
well, no it was from another book,
so I don't remember as much as I thought I did!
corrected from info in a comment!
What made me think of this was a post here showing drawings of algorithms of the wind. It looks like some vast sea-creature to me. What does it look like to you?
Cowabunga indeed
Kari Dell writes about life in Montana.
She never fails to crack me up.
I only hope everyone out there on the ranch is laughing as hard as I am
She never fails to crack me up.
I only hope everyone out there on the ranch is laughing as hard as I am
Senin, 10 Oktober 2011
Today's query pitfall
Describing a character only in terms of race and sexuality: sexy Latina; hot black; frigid bitch (this one was a Labrador retriever I'm guessing)
If you think that's an enticing way to describe a character, any character, you're querying the wrong agent. You might consider the editor for Penthouse Letters.
It's easy to get caught up in cliches. Tell me something interesting about the characters in your novel: like what choices they face, and what dreadful plot points await them.
But if you set a blonde adrift in a canoe with a boa constrictor, well, then you know how to turn a cliche upside down and hell yes, I'd read that.
If you think that's an enticing way to describe a character, any character, you're querying the wrong agent. You might consider the editor for Penthouse Letters.
It's easy to get caught up in cliches. Tell me something interesting about the characters in your novel: like what choices they face, and what dreadful plot points await them.
But if you set a blonde adrift in a canoe with a boa constrictor, well, then you know how to turn a cliche upside down and hell yes, I'd read that.
Minggu, 09 Oktober 2011
Help getting books your boys will love
Need help finding books your boys want to read?
Here's a short video with some terrific suggestions. The best one is at minute marker 2:00 of course.
I found this video cause Vordak T. Incomprehensible linked to it on twitter. He had the temerity to suggest minute 3:17 was the best. Obviously his heinous headgear is cutting off blood flow to his brain.
Here's a short video with some terrific suggestions. The best one is at minute marker 2:00 of course.
I found this video cause Vordak T. Incomp
Jumat, 07 Oktober 2011
Day of Beauty with ShopNBC in Time for Holidays
Getting their groove on in time for the holidays, ShopNBC.com announces a full day of beauty, Saturday, October 8th. As usual, they've lined up some gorgeous high-end and moderately priced treats so every girl can take advantage. Prep your beauty routine for holiday glamour with the latest, colors, trends and skincare must-haves for cool weather. Here's what you can expect to find:
NYX HAUTE JERSEY LEOPARD COUTURE COLOR PALETTE $25
Everybody's new favorite cosmetic brand (well, all of a sudden they're everywhere, and with good cauase) introduces their ode to "Jerseylicious divas" everywhere with this fun color palette. The perfect palette to turn anyone into a bronzed goddess! As seen on Style Network's Jerseylicious. An all-in-one set that features all you need to get that sun-kissed faux glow. You'll find 24 vibrant eye shadows in matte and shimmery hues are displayed on one side.
The opposite side consists of four toasty bronzers, two luscious micro mega shine lip glosses and two rosy blushes. To complete the kit is a double-sided mirror which separates the two color palettes. For the woman on-the-go or a professional makeup artist at a shoot, the Haute Jersey kit is an accessible palette. The kit is draped with a wild leopard pattern in gold and black, paying homage to savvy fashionistas everywhere. Built-in mirror to admire your new look and re-touch on the go! All-in-one. Travel friendly.
SET INCLUDES:24 Eye Shadows
4 Applicators
Multi-Color Bronzer
3 Bronzers
2 Lip Glosses
2 Blushes
BELLECORE BABY BELLE BODY BUFFER $299
Developed by physicians and athletes and designed by MIT and Harvard engineers. Body buffers exfoliate the skin with the appearance of smoother skin possible in just one use. Body buffing helps improve the appearance of the skin. Random orbital oscillation massage action helps improve the appearance of the skin and soothe the body. Massage action helps warm up and soothe muscles before and after exercise. Body buffing is like a massage and helps promote a calm soothing feeling to help combat a stress filled day.
SET INCLUDES:Baby Belle Buffer Device
Travel Pouch
Two Terry Cloth Bonnets
Apres Contouring Creme - 2 oz
Manual
Power Cord
RODIAL GLAMTOX SERUM SALE $57.64 (retail $75)
I've had the good fortune to try this beautiful treatment, and I declare it is a delight to the senses and wonderfully effective. It's much lighter than one might expect from a serum being almost elixir-like rather than like a gel or cream. It is loaded with good for us ingredients. Glamtox serum contains wheatgerm, macadamia and shea butter to improve skin's natural barrier function against water loss, and help replenish dry, mature skin and rough patches. It also contains Vitamin C to brighten the complexion and to help improve the look of age spots and sun spots. My favorite of all the ingredients? Punica granatum. Yes, that's right, my friends. This little gem blends pomegranate seed extract right into the liquid. Readers know this is my tried and true anti-aging, firming ingredient of choice. What's more, collagen peptides and hyaluronic acid help to plump up the natural collagen while a complex of natural oils nourish the skin. As stated in the intro, the serum offers a multi-sensory experience through its blend of oils and special ingredients.
RODIAL GLAMOXY SNAKE SERUM PEN SALE $71.86 (retail $95)
The day of beauty will also feature Rodial's famous snake serum in pen version at an incredible price. This product contains dipeptides to help improve the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles. The massaging action of tri-roller balls helps ease application around the forehead, eye and mouth areas. Contains the Snake Venom Peptide Synake to help reduce the appearance of wrinkles.
HOW TO USE:
Click to dispense product and roll directly onto clean skin, targeting areas around the forehead eyes and mouth. Massage with circular motions until product is absorbed. Reapply throughout the day to refresh results.
LOTUS MASCARA DUO $25
Among the presentations of the day, ShopNBC will be premiering products from the brand Lotus Cosmetics. One item to take notice of is Lotus' 100% Natural Mascara. ShopNBC will feature the mascara in a duo offer. In addition to the company's report that the mascara is 100% natural, it's also water resistant, smudge proof, and said to condition eyelashes (combines coffee extract with rice protein and sunflower oil), thicken and straighten eyelashes, and add volume to lashes. What it doesn't contain is parabens, petro-chemicals, phthalates, sulfates, synthetic fragrances, or synthetic dyes. Nice!
SKIN & CO BEAUTY BY SABATINO SKINCARE AND BODY
Also making its ShopNBC debut, Skin & Co. brings us a delightful range of facial and body products fresh from the truffle farms of Italy and the Sabatino family (famous for their truffle food products). Skin & Co Beauty features fresh-harvested, active extracts of rosemary, mint, almond, olive oil, lavender, Sicilian orange and their signature ingredient - truffle. You'll find their products being offered at special debut pricing during their beauty day presentation.
You'll want to tune in tomorrow when you can. As for me, I'm looking forward to the tutorial presentations and learning from the special guests and hosts as much as I am eager to get my hands on some new products for cooler weather. Hope you'll enjoy along with me! xo
ShopNBC.com Day of Beauty: Sat., October 8, 2011
p.s. -- Take a look at their sneak peek now online at ShopNBC.com. Special pricing is already featured. Shhhhh grab what you want before items show with a chance of selling out tomorrow.
ftlob Hiatus
Sorry for the long hiatus, my loves. And even as I write this, I am away sitting for my adorable little nephews while my sis enjoys a New York trip with her hubs. Long story short, I've been without proper internet connection for over a month and trying to sort it all out. Add in an all of a sudden crazy personal life and busy work schedule and you get -- no time for the love of beauty. The horror, you say? Always time for beauty ... indeed! Coming back slowly as I've missed my own ramblings. (Yes, we bloggers know we do this for ourselves and if others get a little goodness out of what we write, it's a nice extra).
p.s. -- Sis just called frantic about whether her child was home with me as school is calling her in New York wondering why the boy didn't show for school today. Yes! Yes, dad gummit! Evil auntie kept the pre-schooler home today to enjoy the visit. Shoot me. lol. Guess it's good the school calls to check on the lad, however not enjoying the wrath fired upon me by my sister.
xo
Kamis, 06 Oktober 2011
Rabu, 05 Oktober 2011
I'm forwarding all queries for "fictional novels" to
my dear friend and colleague Katharine Sands
She's assured me she knows exactly how to respond.
She's assured me she knows exactly how to respond.
I ♥ Joelle Anthony
The poem contest gets mentioned at the very end of her speech here (but honestly the whole video is utterly charming and worth all 8minutes of viewing)
I love the "if you like" shelf talkers at bookstores.
I was strolling around the website for Murder By the Book in Houston, Texas recently and saw this headline:
If you like Louise Penny...
Well, heck yes I like Louise Penny.
I LOVE Louise Penny.
I REVERE Louise Penny.
I think Louise Penny is one of the most amazing writers ever and her new book A TRICK OF THE LIGHT is utterly breathtaking.
So heck yes I'm going to read G. M. Malliet.
I have a whole year to wait for the next Louise Penny book so I've got time!
If you like Louise Penny...
Well, heck yes I like Louise Penny.
I LOVE Louise Penny.
I REVERE Louise Penny.
I think Louise Penny is one of the most amazing writers ever and her new book A TRICK OF THE LIGHT is utterly breathtaking.
So heck yes I'm going to read G. M. Malliet.
I have a whole year to wait for the next Louise Penny book so I've got time!
Selasa, 04 Oktober 2011
one of those moments of serendipity
I love those moments with unexpected connections, don't you?
Here's what unfolded on my most recent voyage on the SS Serendipity
1. Publishers Lunch ran an announcement that a new editor was joining Rizzoli USA. I promptly emailed to introduce myself. As part of that email I looked at the Fall 2011 Rizzoli catalog to see what they were publishing on their new Ex Libris imprint.
And I found this:
Catalog (it's a pdf so you'll need to download it--and it's worth it. GORGEOUS books)
Then check out the listing on page 5 for Gianrico Carofiglio!
Well! I was all over that, let me tell you!
Previously available only at BitterLemon Press in the UK (one of my favorite publishing company names of all time), I'm a devoted fan of this writer.
But here's what made it even more fun:
2. I got one of Larry Block's amazing newsletters mentioning where his books are available, and I just happened to click M is for Mystery in San Mateo (cause they hosted an event for Gary Corby last year) and what to my wandering eye should appear but:
Gianrico Carofiglio at M is for Mystery.
Clearly this is a sign from the universe validating my decision to order his new book!
Knowing how these things work, I'm betting Gianrico Carofiglio's name or books will appear at least one more time this week.
Do you sail on the SS Serendipity? Do tell!
Here's what unfolded on my most recent voyage on the SS Serendipity
1. Publishers Lunch ran an announcement that a new editor was joining Rizzoli USA. I promptly emailed to introduce myself. As part of that email I looked at the Fall 2011 Rizzoli catalog to see what they were publishing on their new Ex Libris imprint.
And I found this:
Catalog (it's a pdf so you'll need to download it--and it's worth it. GORGEOUS books)
Then check out the listing on page 5 for Gianrico Carofiglio!
Well! I was all over that, let me tell you!
Previously available only at BitterLemon Press in the UK (one of my favorite publishing company names of all time), I'm a devoted fan of this writer.
But here's what made it even more fun:
2. I got one of Larry Block's amazing newsletters mentioning where his books are available, and I just happened to click M is for Mystery in San Mateo (cause they hosted an event for Gary Corby last year) and what to my wandering eye should appear but:
Gianrico Carofiglio at M is for Mystery.
Clearly this is a sign from the universe validating my decision to order his new book!
Knowing how these things work, I'm betting Gianrico Carofiglio's name or books will appear at least one more time this week.
Do you sail on the SS Serendipity? Do tell!
Senin, 03 Oktober 2011
one of the MANY things I love about Jack Reacher novels
Lee Child has a deft way of writing about women. It's not an easy task, I'm convinced, for men to write about women in a way that doesn't focus somehow first on their sexuality.
Lee Child does it better than most.
Here's what reminded me of that today:
So, you know a lot about this woman, without hearing a single thing about what she looks like. You know Reacher finds her very attractive. You know she's a cop. And you know she's armed. Any questions? Yea, I didn't think so.
Lee Child does it better than most.
Here's what reminded me of that today:
She wound down her window and looked straight at me, first my face, then a careful up-and-down, side-to-side appraisal all the way from my shoes to my hair, with nothing but frankness in her gaze. I stepped in closer to give her a better look, and to take a better look. She was more than flawless. She was spectacular. She had a revolver in a holster on her right hip, and next to it was a shotgun stuffed muzzle-down in a scabbard mounted between the seats. There was a big radio slung under the dash on the passenger side and a microphone on a curly wire in a clip near the steering wheel. The car was old and worn, almost certainly bought secondhand from a richer municipality.
So, you know a lot about this woman, without hearing a single thing about what she looks like. You know Reacher finds her very attractive. You know she's a cop. And you know she's armed. Any questions? Yea, I didn't think so.
AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
"I am seeking representation for my novel, a completed Non-Fiction Romantic Crime Drama."
Even if your novel observes the laws of gravity, and respects the laws of physics you do not ever say your novel is non-fiction. Many things in a novel may be true. That does not make it non-fiction.
A "non-fiction novel" is narrative non-fiction. You'll see "non-fiction novel" used to describe early works in this category; IN COLD BLOOD is a classic example.
But now, and forever onward, here's the rule:
1. Novels are fiction by definition. (no fiction novels much like there is no presidential president)
2. Non-fiction with a narrative arc, and a riproaring good story is "narrative non-fiction."
3. If you don't observe this rule, I will arrange for my non-fictional flying monkeys to visit you.
Even if your novel observes the laws of gravity, and respects the laws of physics you do not ever say your novel is non-fiction. Many things in a novel may be true. That does not make it non-fiction.
A "non-fiction novel" is narrative non-fiction. You'll see "non-fiction novel" used to describe early works in this category; IN COLD BLOOD is a classic example.
But now, and forever onward, here's the rule:
1. Novels are fiction by definition. (no fiction novels much like there is no presidential president)
2. Non-fiction with a narrative arc, and a riproaring good story is "narrative non-fiction."
3. If you don't observe this rule, I will arrange for my non-fictional flying monkeys to visit you.
please NO
"fictional manuscript"
"fictional novelist"
"fictional query"
These phrases make me reach for the bourbon bottle at 10am.
If you want to be a writer, you really have to know what "fictional" means.
Until you do, your agent will be.
"fictional novelist"
"fictional query"
These phrases make me reach for the bourbon bottle at 10am.
If you want to be a writer, you really have to know what "fictional" means.
Until you do, your agent will be.
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